I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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