me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
