its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I need to calm my uterus...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
