just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
