so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
