I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
