none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
