why didn't you poke me back
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
