when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
