You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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