i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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