When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
