If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
