people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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