sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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