"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
