i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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