Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
