dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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