You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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