Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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