I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
