i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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