Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
