It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
