i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
