I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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