just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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