thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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