i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
