He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
