where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
