WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
