My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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