just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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