Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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