Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
