We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
