It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
