We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
