he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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