I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
