Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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