Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
