Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
