rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
