3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So much rum. So many feels.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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