Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
