We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
