Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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